By Bobieh Ansah
"A feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by the presence or imminence of danger"(thefreedictionary.com)
Fear is one of the most distructive and negative emotions we as humans have. Combined with imagination fear holds us back and make us do horrible things.
The other day I went a launch party for a new brand called VA-G. There was some beautiful girls hanging out in the middle of the dance floor and i wanted to approach them but i couldn't, I froze,I eventually got the courage and started walking up to them and then at the very last moment i diverted like a bus in construction.
Why did i stop? FEAR! The fear of rejection , the fear of failure, the fear of embarassisment (as my friends where watching what i would do keenly). This emotion is what stops us from achieving our dreams executing ideas and trying new things.
Blair singer refers to this as our "little voice". The little voice in our head tells us not to talk to that girl or to that guy, not to ask that person for advice/help. NOT TO DO WHAT WE WANT TO DO!
So how do you combat this fear. The bad news is that you can never stop felling fear(trust me I know) but, you can stop it from controlling you.
Mystery(pick up artist) states that fear is like a cold swimming pool, you know the water is going to be freezing so you fear jumping in however, the first time you jump in you feel uncomfortable but, the more you keep getting out and jumping back in the more your fear disappears.
In business you must network to succeed, you must approach new people,create good impressions , convince people and make presentations.
Therefore, the mastery of our fear is one of the most fundamental things we need to do in order to improve our odds of survival . ( Why didn't they teach me this at school).
I guess it's the fear of rejection, the fear of ridicule and the fear of humiliation is what really holds us back (we care to much about what people think about us). Blair singer stated that the traumatic events in our past hold us back today. Like when you put your hand up in class and you got a question wrong people around you would make you feel bad for standing out.
So how do you control fear. I'm not an expert but these are some things I do to help me :
1. Feel the fear and do it any way- this point is pretty self explanatory but it's very valid.
Sourced from Susan Jeffers, she makes a good point about embracing your fears and doing it any way. Read the book it's good.
2.Prepare- fail to prepare, prepare to fail(says mum). Have you noticed that when ever you prepare for something you feel more confident. So, whenever your going to meet new people ( I know this sounds a bit creepy) do research on the person your going to meet and openly admit that you looked them up. It will give you something to talk about and most people will be flattered that you took the time to look them up.
3.Set a goal to talk to one new person each day- This not only enhances your network but improve you public speaking skills.
4.Practice public speaking. i.e at open mic nights and karaoke
5.Seek professional help-speaking to someone about the traumatic events in your past can really help.
To conclude there is no way to eliminate fear for good but, why woud you want to. Fear can be a good thing at times. It stops us from jumping onto train tracks or putting our arm in to a lion cage at the zoo.
At best all we can do is master our fears.Putting ourselves outside our comfort zones is the only way we learn.So I put it to you.
1.When was the last time you let fear control you? (let us know we wanna hear funny stories.)
2.How do you deal with fear?